i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
