Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if only i could text you this smell
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
