So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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