careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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