I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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