i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
