we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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