she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
