She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
