i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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