Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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