I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
