so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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