Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
