definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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