Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
