the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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