Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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