if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
