i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
