i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
