Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
