and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
