Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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