wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
