You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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