Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize