I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize