Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize