When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
