i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
