I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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