you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
