you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
