Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
