Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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