I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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