there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
