I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize