I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
