did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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