You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
