Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We are two peas in an std pod
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
