the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want a musical about memes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
