Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
