you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
