I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
