nutella sex= disaster
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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