peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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