Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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