DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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