Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
