Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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