mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Shame - the story of my life.
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