1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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