Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
