Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just tell him i said nine months
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
