just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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