there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
