Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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