Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
