Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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