If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
