i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
