I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
