Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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