fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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