Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
