i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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