mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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