After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
