im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
