Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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