worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
