You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
