and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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