I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
