his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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